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Eden of heaven

Tema en 'La Torre de Babel' comenzado por silveriddragon, 22 de Marzo de 2023. Respuestas: 2 | Visitas: 339

  1. silveriddragon

    silveriddragon Poeta fiel al portal

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    Resolving
    problems, dilems
    despite
    the opposition
    creating with that
    another point of view
    another world
    and other soul.
    But we afraid to lose
    our own stern.

    Ship should be directed
    where the society
    and the genius goes
    about theories
    of their own convenience.

    Mechanics or poetry?
    Why we must decide
    in all the questions of life?

    Literature and philosophy
    Answers to my great taboos
    and a sweet goddess who
    survives all.

    Thoughts lost and suspended
    like sparks that slowly dissolves
    when the beating of her heart
    resounds in this empty road
    and breaks all the illusion
    that separates my entire world.

    Eden of heaven
    if I hold your hand
    while you see me
    this eternal night.

    Eden of heaven
    if you say my name.
    Let me share
    all our memories
    that we had together
    for a while.

    I want to forget
    my past
    beside you
    and create
    our own place
    I want to be free
    at last.
     
    #1
    Última modificación: 22 de Marzo de 2023
    A Ermenegildo Tiraboschi le gusta esto.
  2. Ermenegildo Tiraboschi

    Ermenegildo Tiraboschi Poeta que considera el portal su segunda casa

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    Cool and, often, snappy in a good way. I believe you meant "dilemma". A few more things: "another soul", "The ship" or "A ship", and "dissolve". Also, I believe "survives them all" would read a bit more compelling, but we may be delving into territories that are stylistic rather than idiomatic in nature in that particular case.

    Best,

    Don Erme

     
    #2
    Última modificación: 11 de Abril de 2023
    A silveriddragon le gusta esto.
  3. silveriddragon

    silveriddragon Poeta fiel al portal

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    26 de Mayo de 2014
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    915
    Thank you Don Erme. I will take your comments to improve. I really like when a I use "A ship". I will continue experimenting with this.

    Best

    Silver
     
    #3
    A Ermenegildo Tiraboschi le gusta esto.

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