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Redundant star

Discussion in 'La Torre de Babel' started by nonickmario, May 16, 2010. Replies: 5 | Views: 1069

  1. nonickmario

    nonickmario Poeta recién llegado

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    Gloom of passion and self

    brightful, windy, ondulated hair

    Clearness, avoidance of futility

    wishes crown your eyebrows, give sense to the night



    Lack of temperance redounds over your hip

    Dreams about dreaming,

    beauty seetles amidst a tiny hole in your cheek

    vastness of looks.



    I know such smile will last forever, and for good.

    (II)
     
    #1
  2. Ciela

    Ciela Poeta veterano en el portal

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    Hola, amigo, mudaré tu trabajo al espacio correspondiente, dado que no está escrito en español. Gracias y un abrazo.
     
    #2
  3. RA

    RA Invitado

    Dear friend Nonickmario,
    I liked your descriptive love poem. It is very beautiful. Please change the following words:
    brightful to "brilliant" or to "with brightness"
    ondulated to "undulated", and
    seetles to "settles".
    Fraternally,
    Ramiro
     
    #3
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2010
  4. nonickmario

    nonickmario Poeta recién llegado

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    muchas gracias Ramiro, haré los cambios. I'll do the changes, thanks! :)
     
    #4
  5. lluviadeabril

    lluviadeabril lluvia & rain

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    Lines of admiration and a quiet stirring passion – a look and suddenly nothing lapses, everything lasts.
    A hug hug.
     
    #5
  6. nonickmario

    nonickmario Poeta recién llegado

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    Your answer it's a poem in itself :)
     
    #6

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