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A sandwich

Discussion in 'La Torre de Babel' started by Guerrion, Feb 27, 2024. Replies: 2 | Views: 276

  1. Guerrion

    Guerrion Poeta que considera el portal su segunda casa

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    I’m aware
    that my poetic
    gestures and love
    for you may give you
    the right to disregard me.

    It is all right,
    suit yourself, baby.
    However, I will never
    forget your passionate sighs
    as well as those of your crazy girlfriend.

    Honestly,
    I have never been involved
    with two women or in any similar
    situations involving a threesome.
    I worry that because of this, I may be missing
    out on the opportunity to enter heaven. I may be fucked!
    However, I still
    loved the fact that you
    turned me into a human sandwich.
    Two wild pussies, sorry, two cats as the bread, and me as the salami.


    Fidel Guerra. Feb 26, 2024.
     
    #1
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2024
    Alde and Ermenegildo Tiraboschi like this.
  2. Ermenegildo Tiraboschi

    Ermenegildo Tiraboschi Poeta que considera el portal su segunda casa

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    Hi, Fidel

    This is solid stuff in my view, I’d say in a pretty colloquial style. I was expecting, based on the title, the threesome-sandwich culinary analogy, but not that rather risqué salami (as in, “sausage”) one .;)

    Here's a minor one: “… with two women or in any..”. The “with” goes great with people when it comes to “involvement”, but for situations -as your poem indicates- “in” is the way to go. Another one: I think “…situations involving…” would read a tad better than what you have right now, but that’s just a hunch, not a rigorously idiomatic suggestion.

    Best,

    Don Erme
     
    #2
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2024
    Guerrion likes this.
  3. Guerrion

    Guerrion Poeta que considera el portal su segunda casa

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    Sometimes, not always, but when I start writing and open the first beer, I experience a serene sensation as if I am peacefully drifting in calm, sluggish waters. Yet, after consuming the third beer...I transform into or feel like a boat navigating through a turbulent river, and I am filled with a strong eagerness or desire to articulate my thoughts. However, the next day, I observe and ponder over my writing while sober, doubting the accuracy of my words, which leads me to abstain from writing for a few days...or until I forget my wild and written ideas. However, I thank you for bringing this non-culinary poem back to my attention.

    Don Erme,
    I agree and appreciate you for assisting me in enhancing my poetic musings. I will make the change right away.

    Yours,
    Fidel Guerra.
     
    #3

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