Eden of heaven

[silveriddragon]

Resolving
problems, dilems
despite
the opposition
creating with that
another point of view
another world
and other soul.
But we afraid to lose
our own stern.

Ship should be directed
where the society
and the genius goes
about theories
of their own convenience.

Mechanics or poetry?
Why we must decide
in all the questions of life?

Literature and philosophy
Answers to my great taboos
and a sweet goddess who
survives all.

Thoughts lost and suspended
like sparks that slowly dissolves
when the beating of her heart
resounds in this empty road
and breaks all the illusion
that separates my entire world.

Eden of heaven
if I hold your hand
while you see me
this eternal night.

Eden of heaven
if you say my name.
Let me share
all our memories
that we had together
for a while.

I want to forget
my past
beside you
and create
our own place
I want to be free
at last.

 

[Ermenegildo Tiraboschi]

Cool and, often, snappy in a good way. I believe you meant "dilemma". A few more things: "another soul", "The ship" or "A ship", and "dissolve". Also, I believe "survives them all" would read a bit more compelling, but we may be delving into territories that are stylistic rather than idiomatic in nature in that particular case.

Best,

Don Erme

Resolving
problems, dilems
despite
the opposition
creating with that
another point of view
another world
and other soul.
But we afraid to lose
our own stern.

Ship should be directed
where the society
and the genius goes
about theories
of their own convenience.

Mechanics or poetry?
Why we must decide
in all the questions of life?

Literature and philosophy
Answers to my great taboos
and a sweet goddess who
survives all.

Thoughts lost and suspended
like sparks that slowly dissolves
when the beating of her heart
resounds in this empty road
and breaks all the illusion
that separates my entire world.

Eden of heaven
if I hold your hand
while you see me
this eternal night.

Eden of heaven
if you say my name.
Let me share
all our memories
that we had together
for a while.

I want to forget
my past
beside you
and create
our own place
I want to be free
at last.

 

[silveriddragon]

Cool and, often, snappy in a good way. I believe you meant "dilemma". A few more things: "another soul", "The ship" or "A ship", and "dissolve". Also, I believe "survives them all" would read a bit more compelling, but we may be delving into territories that are stylistic rather than idiomatic in nature in that particular case.

Best,

Don Erme

Thank you Don Erme. I will take your comments to improve. I really like when a I use "A ship". I will continue experimenting with this.

Best

Silver